Sweet Shalni

Shalini was just a part of the crowd of Mumbai. Just another girl, who'd go about her work, and live a normal life like everyone else. She was tall, dark and beautiful girl, with long black hair. Her voluptuous body had an enchanting grace. But her eyes were cold, really cold. She seemed to have separated everything into different compartments, professional life, personal life, sexuality, and emotions were all independent of each other for her. In fact, her apparent coldness would make a casual observer wonder if she even had any emotions.

Neil was someone completely different. He was warm, friendly, jolly and he could find happiness even in the smallest of things in life. He was full of life. His youthful energies would scatter around wherever he went. He was a universal favorite, there was hardly anyone who disliked him. He was a successful engineer, tall, fair and handsome, he had everything he needed in his life.

Neil saw Shalini in a cafe as he was hanging out with his friends. She was sitting all alone having her coffee. It is an unusual sight to see a girl sitting alone like that. She caught his attention. Her beauty mesmerized him, and what everyone saw as 'coldness' in her eyes, he saw 'mystery'. He was now very curious about her, he wanted to know about her. But the kind of expression she held on her face, she looked virtually unapproachable.

He found out she was a doctor, and very much loved for her knowledge, skill and compassion with which she treated her patients. His deep interest to know more about her led him to her clinic faking illness, he just wanted a reason to interact with her. She looked even more beautiful to his eyes when she was close by. She wore a smile as she wrote down the prescription, and had a gentle tone of speech, but that wasn't the whole of her. Neil somehow knew she was concealing a part of herself, he could sense some sort of a strong guarding.

Neil was a gentleman, but he couldn't resist stalking her out of curiosity. Soon he got to know quite a few things about her. She loved coffee, she would often go that cafe and sit there all alone, having a cup of coffee. She was among those people who don't speak much. As she sat there alone sipping coffee, she seemed to be in deep thought. Neil was sitting on a nearby table, but she didn't notice him. He was observing her, he figured out, various emotions are racing through her mind, as it all showed up on her face in the form of rapidly changing subtle expression which only a keen observer could have noticed. He decided to approach her.

He smiled and said, "I wish to thank you. I am feeling so much better since I visited you."

She recognized him as one of her patients. "Good. I am glad." She said with a smile that didn't last for anything more than 2 seconds.

Neil was disappointed that her attitude was too cold to begin a conversation, so he decided to retreat, and try to strike a conversation next time.

Days passed by one after another, whenever he'd find time from his work, he'd try to find out more things about her. If any day he could manage to get a glimpse of her, that day would be one of his 'extra-happy' days.

He wondered what it is that attracted him so much towards her. She was so cold, like a maiden of ice, she looked so unapproachable. He wondered if he'd ever be able to even strike a conversation. But whenever he closed his eyes, he saw her face. And he saw intense pain and sadness in her eyes. That was something which only a few could see. He would only pray for her every night, hoping to catch up with her soon. And his prayers were answered.

While returning from work at around 11 pm, he found her car parked by the side of a lonely street. He was surprised to see her inside, she was looking very worried. It was quite natural to be worried, she was all alone.

He parked his car a little ahead, got down and knocked her window. Seeing a familiar face, she felt relieved, and lowered the window glass.

"Is everything ok?" he asked.

"No, my car broke down, my cell phone battery is down too so I couldn't call anyone for help. Its late and I don't know how I will reach home now." she said in a worried tone.

"I'll drop you home, don't worry." he said with a comforting smile.

Shalini got into his car, and he drove off. She still looked distressed. It was like something in her head was troubling her, some sort of a memory of something.
She reached home safely that night, and Neil was thanking his stars that he got to enjoy her company.

She came home and cried that night, she cried out of gratitude and Neil didn't know. He touched her heart. It was rarely that people help her unconditionally. She had only seen the dark side of life full for struggle to survive. She had seen how mean people can be, and how the selfish prey upon the helpless. Life had taught her many things the more painful way. Love was an alien emotion for her. She had so much pain within her, so many bitter memories, and no one who'd listen even if she wanted to speak her heart.

She had been more friendly with Neil since that night. They had exchanged numbers. Neil used to call her often. He wanted her to know that he really likes her, he cares about her, or perhaps he already loves her.

Neil was friendly and sweet, and someone who can make anyone comfortable quite easily. But Shalini was quite a task. She was a guarded person, and wouldn't let anyone come too close to her easily.

He asked her out one day. She agreed coz she felt obliged that night he helped her reach home safely. It was a great evening.

After dinner he took her to a place near the sea. The sky was shining with stars already. He just had a feeling that she loved the stars and the sea, and she really did, the smile on a face told him that.

He then looked into her eyes and said, "Shalini, I love you."

Her smile faded. She said, "I appreciate your gesture. But I don't feel that way for you, I am sorry. I suggest you move on."

"Is there anyone else whom you love?" he asked.

"No" she said, "I don't love anyone, I don't believe in love"

"So..." he said with a confident smile, "As long as there is no one you love, let me be in your life, let me love you, its OK if you don't."

"I will never love you," she said rather anxiously, "You don't have in you, all those things that I want in my man. You are not even a doctor, we will have problems in the long run. We are not compatible in so many other ways, different communities, different cultures. I don't think it will ever work."

"All those things you are talking about my dear.." he said "..are really small compared to the love I feel for you. And as long as you don't find your 'Mr. Right' lemme be there for you. When he comes, I will go away"

"Neil you are my good friend, and besides a good human being. I don't wish to hurt you. You might feel used if I ask you to go away later when I find a better guy. Will you be able to handle the hurt and insult then? More importantly, am I worth it? I really think you should..."

He put his finger on her lips. That was the first time she felt his touch. She shuddered. He looked into her eyes and said, "You told me honestly about your feelings, and I will decide what I should be doing now, and I choose to stay. I ain't going anywhere Shalini, I love you and I will always love you. Rest assured that you will never face any problem because of me, now or in the future, because I don't want to be the cause of your regret at any point of time. I just want you to be happy, and I will do my best for that."

He hugged her after that. Shalini felt so much warmth in his hug, this perhaps the first time is her life that she received a wholesome hug. But the next minute she got conscious, withdrew herself away from him and left.

She had been thinking about him whole night. "Could all this be true?" she wondered to herself, of is he simply faking. Only time could answer her questions.

Days and weeks passed by.

Neil had now become her best friend. He was always there by her side, be it listening to how her day went, to sharing casual pics or her favorite music, or be it listening to her senseless ranting when she had a bad day. He never seems to get bored, and she could talk for hours together with him, and still feel like its the first time.

She would pick unnecessary fights with him. Subconsciously she was trying to test him, how easy or difficult it was to get rid of him, whether he'd leave her, or stay as he promised. And he kept his promise. No matter what happened, how much of a psychotic behavior she displayed, he never went away.

One great thing about Neil was that he was a patient listener. He was intelligent and manipulative enough to know how to make her smile even when she was in a real crappy mood. He had really begun to understand her now.

Neil was keen on talking to her on the phone everyday. Even if it was just for a few minutes, he would still make a it a point to ask her how she is everyday. And they usually spoke in the night.

One night they were having their usual conversation.

Neil said, "I had a lil question for you if you don't mind."

"Ask" she said.

"What were doing doing so late on the street the night your car broke down. Won't if be safer if you went home early? You duty ends at 6 pm right?"

"I study it the library till late night, I go home when I feel sleepy"

"But why do you find it necessary to return home so late so often? It looks like you don't like going home"

She suddenly stopped speaking. Her heart was heavy.

"What happened?" he asked, "Did I say anything wrong? I am sorry if I hurt you."

"No" she spoke with a breaking voice, "It is actually true that I don't like being home."

Shalini felt tears rolling down her cheeks as she spoke. "I don't tell this to too many people, but I really don't like being home. My mom doesn't love me, she wanted a son. She always told me I made her life miserable and she would have been happier if I didn't exist. She never loved me, she never nursed me when I was ill, she never even gave me a hug. She wants me to go away Neil."

She couldn't stop herself from crying. Neil felt a strange helplessness overwhelm him as he wasn't there to give her a hug.

"And dad" she continued, "He doesn't care either. He is cold. It doesn't make a difference to him whether I am happy or sad. That's why I stay away from home as much time as possible. I don't like being home."

"I am really sorry to hear that" he said. "Whatever happens, count me in, I will give you as much love and care as a family member, or perhaps more than that. I will do as much as I can for you"

Next morning she woke up feeling lighter. She had spoken her heart to him last night. There is no pain greater that hiding a pain in your heart, and she has been hiding her hurt for everyone for so long. At least now she has someone who she can confide in.

Shalini had begun to like Neil now, actually more than just like. She remembered that day when he confessed her feeling to her. He said she was free to move on if she found a better guy for herself. And that began so hurt her conscience, make her feel heavy and guilty.

One night she called him up and said, "Why do you do so much for me Neil? I don't love you, I can't love you. I feel worried how hurt you will feel if I tell you to go away when I marry someone else. Please don't do this to yourself. You are a nice guy, please find yourself a nice girl who will love you and marry her. You have been to nice to me, I wouldn't want to leave you all alone later on. I want you to be happy."

He smiled as her heard her say that. He replied, "I am happiest doing what I am doing, I am happiest being here with you. I love you, and I can't love anyone else. And hey, you keep saying you don't love me, then ask yourself why do you worry so much about me?"

Shalini was speechless. She was just a good human being. It would hurt her conscience to use someone's kindness for her benefit and dump him when she'd find someone else. But she was equally tough, and thought it was OK as long as she was being really honest with him.

Shalini was introvert, she didn't have many friends. And among whatever few friends she had, Neil had done the most for her within such a short period of time. Of course she was attractive, and many other guys were interested in her, but few chose to stay after she rejected them. None was ever like Neil, not even close.

A year passed by. It was another awesome evening with Neil, fine dining the same restaurant that evening when he told her he loved her the first time. By now, Neil knew her so well, that just by looking at her, he could tell what she was feeling.

"Is there something you wanna tell me?" he asked.

Shalini nodded. But she was quiet. Soon after dinner, when they got into the car, he held her close. She was sad and shivering. He placed his finger under her chin and raised her face to look into her tearful eyes.

"Tell me" he said with a smile, "Its ok"

"A year ago" she said, "you asked me whether there was someone else I loved. I said no, but I lied"

Neil was patiently listening with a soft compassionate expression on his face, like always.

"I loved one guy, he was a doctor and my senior. We worked together and we were friends. We had so much in common. I wanted to share my pain with someone, I thought he would understand me. I don't know if he ever did. He never harmed me in any manner, but he didn't love me either. He wasn't there, he wouldn't listen, and I was hoping so much, and I held on for so long..."

She wiped her tears and continued, "I miss him, I thought, we'd be perfect together. We had so much in common, we were so compatible."

He hugged her gently and said, "True love is not about compatibility sweetheart. It is about caring. It is the purest form of love, when you are there for each other always, in spite of all odds. When you love each other in spite of all the differences, those are the kind of marriages made in heaven, not the ones which are arranged out of compatibility."

She was speechless. Rather she didn't wish to speak. She was digging herself deeper into his arms, receiving all the warmth that was needed to melt her cold cold heart. She felt like heaven as she was crying on his shoulder. When he put his arms around her, she felt like she's be safe forever in his arms.

One year back he was just a guy for her. Now when she looked at him, she could see her future in his eyes. She never thought that the man she'd choose to spend her life with, in reality would be actually so different from the kind she had imagined. He was her most promising friend. She knew now, she loved him.